Shuba’s Weblog

Journeys of the soul…

Expectations..

on October 4, 2007

It sometimes amazes me how much we expect from loved ones. We can be calm and forgiving with everyone in this world-except our loved ones. From our loved ones, we expect much more. we expect that they should read our minds. they should know our thoughts. they should know exactly what we feel. all this without saying anything!! Of course, in a close relationship, most of this can happen automatically. and yet, there will be days when this is just not possible. Just imagine how much less we would suffer if we let go of our expectations!!

Communication with loved ones is much more difficult and needs more thought. It needs a basic level of trust. We have to know deep in our hearts that our loved ones would never want to hurt us. and if they are doing so, it is unintentional. They don’t even know it. and if their actions affect us deeply, we should talk to them about it, whether good or bad. It is this very expression of our deeper, sometimes conflicting, thoughts that has the power to bring us closer. It is okay that we are vulnerable. we are human after all. We often put on our armour with our loved ones-whereas its our vulnerability that actually endears us to our loved ones. My friend Laura who writes about love in her book, talks about how we want love. we pursue it. and yet we fear love. we run away from it sometimes.

Some of my loved ones are very affectionate. And some are not as expressive about their affections. This does not matter as long as we still find a way to communicate our love and affections. And once that channel of communication opens, it becomes easier to be spontaneous and affectionate! As Thay says, if we truly understand that life is impermanent, and that it changes every moment, and one day we and our loved ones will not be in the same form anymore, then how can we ever hurt our loved ones? how can we ever be anything but truly loving to them?

Communication and letting go of expectations can do a great deal. Sometimes, what we feel is purely due to our expectations not being met. It has been useful for me to look at those expectations and ask myself if they are reasonable. If my husband comes home tired after a long day’s work, is it reasonable for me to expect him to pick up on some feeling/action in my day that I have not even spoken to him about? It becomes easier to let go of those expectations and just be there for him. Because at that moment, it is him who needs me more than I need him. When we let go of expectations, we receive grace. Because every loving action becomes even more special. Its a blessing.

This is my journey and I hope this is yours. I’m only starting on it, but already I’m feeling the warmth of love’s embrace! :).

Love, S.

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