Shuba’s Weblog

Journeys of the soul…

Letting go..

on October 24, 2007

Its amazing how wide and free the world is when we have an open mind. and how much smaller it starts to become when we get caught. It has been an interesting week for me. Daalu, my love has been away. Somehow, I dread the times when he is gone. Its not that I can’t live on my own. Its rather the fear of being without him, the depressing thought of not seeing his smiling face for entire days. It can wreak havoc with me. One time, he was on a 2-week trip to China, and when he got back after a non-stop 14 hr flight followed by delays, reaching home 24 hrs after he left China, guess what-instead of him falling sick, it was me who fell sick. Its hard for me to hold my peace without him, I overwork myself.

This time, he left on monday morning. I came home that evening in a low mood. Afraid of the silence. I will miss him, I thought. And then I said, so what? So, I’ll miss him. Let me miss him! I stayed with that feeling all evening. As I made dinner I thought of how much he would have liked it. and I noticed the thought. It was okay to be sad, to be low. and I could accept that. I could also see that while I missed his physical presence, I could feel his energy everywhere. And realizing that made the evening easy. All I had to do was tap into his energy in me. and that gave me support. And sometimes, its a wonderful thing to miss someone. You really appreciate who they are, when they are outside of your sight. You don’t take them for granted as easily.

Once the feeling is embraced, it no longer causes suffering. The space opens up. There is no fear, no dread anymore. Life is not perfect, but there is still peace. That is what letting go feels like, I think. It is embracing our shadows and transforming them. No longer getting caught in words or notions. But instead being open to whatever comes along, whether it be good or bad.

It always amazes me how many parallels there are in life and in sitting meditation. In meditation, if you try too hard, it is too difficult. When you try too hard, you are too caught up in what you expect the meditation to be like, so you cannot really experience what is actually there at that moment. And then sometimes, when the meditation feels good, you get caught up in how good it feels. and that too can be an obstacle. Now you are no longer truely there-you are too caught up in your longing for more of pleasure that you cannot appreciate what can be there, if you were actually free. So, freedom essentially has to be claimed in every moment! One moment you can be truly free. and yet the next moment, your world may be smaller because you are caught up in your own notions of how free you have just felt. For, real freedom has no words, it can only be experienced.

Knowing this and yet I cannot but try to put into words this experience:

Coming Home:

My breath, a ripple

expanding my heart

blurring its boundaries

diffusing through space

letting me taste freedom, pure being.

I gaze in wonderment

at this place of peace

I long to know more, taste more

in longing, I lose sight.

Can words express this place of being?

In words, I merely get caught up

My steps falter,

a curtain arises,

obscuring my vision.

To proceed, I must let go of my expectations

Letting go, the space expands

My steps become surer.

for beyond the words, beyond the longing,

lies the unknown,

yet deeply known to my heart

-my true nature, my home, my place of being.

—-

Here is to letting go in our daily lives, and expanding our hearts,

Love, S.

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One response to “Letting go..

  1. David Raho says:

    ‘In longing, I lose sight’ I Like that line very much. Regards David

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