I write on a calm quiet winter day. Its warmer than the past few days, and after coming in early this morning, I went into town for breakfast at my favorite cafe. between mouthfuls of currant scone and chai tea latte, I wrote in my Rumi journal – reasons why I love myself. it felt wonderful!
A few days ago, I did my list of things I was angry about – which was a huge revelation. Normally, I am not one to admit my anger about anything. in my head, that would have meant, I am not ‘peaceful and happy’. yes, I am hugely attached to feeling peaceful and happy all the time. making that anger list was huge. and it felt like putting this burden I didn’t even know I was carrying, down. and it just dissipated. just like that. most often thats all our feelings really want – to be acknowledged.
so anyways, this morning, I woke up feeling – I love myself. I want to know why I love who I am. it feels really important – because most days, I am constantly evaluating and judging myself to some intangible, invisible standards that only exist in my head. so today, I wrote why I love the imperfect, goofy, worrying, loving, crazy me. try it sometime! it feels great.
It feels important, because we could have been born as anyone, anywhere. and yet, we were born into this universe in this body. with a journey to undertake in this being. this is who I am in this lifetime. and come to think of it, I would rather be me with this setup than anyone else, no matter how great they have it.
I am watching this amazing series ‘six feet under’ that I have become totally hooked to, and in yesterday’s episode (I think its episode 27) , Nat died for a few minutes. he ‘flat-lined’. and in that space, he sees all these different lives he is or could be leading. he is confused and asks his Dad (who is already dead) whether he was dead or alive. His Dad says something like: you are living many parallel lives – in some you may be living, in some you may have died..and in some, you may not have been born at all. what a fascinating thought. here we are utterly unaware of life and death and parallel universes..caught in our own dramas. how must all of this appear to someone watching it? and yet in the big scheme of things, all we really know for certain is this right now. who we are. this moment. and the choices we make in the right now.
may we all enjoy being in our body and in this world just as we are.
With love, S.