Shuba’s Weblog

Journeys of the soul…

pausing in life…

on April 6, 2009

Venturing back into life after a weekend silent meditation retreat…today has been quite an experience.

Rushing into a retreat that I didn’t know how much I needed, on friday evening, I was scattered, my energies distracted in a myriad of activities. I reached just on time, barely giving myself time to settle in.

and then the retreat began. the focus on the breath and the attention on the mind. mindfulness. as we settled into our bodies, and our minds trying to find some space to calm down – I felt grateful. to be with companions who were leading busy lives like me. and finding some space in all the chaos for making room to breathe.

the weekend was wonderful. eventually, my mind settled down, and I could relax into the space of my being, the environment, the protection of friendly companions and my teacher as we all sat and walked and witnessed the mind. the weather was cloudy with periods of rain. The Inn we were staying at was a beautiful old house. flashes of memories. the rustling of the pines in the wind, the dancing of the raindrops on the windows, the crackling of the fire to keep us warm. it seemed like there was a deep quiet below it all – a deep tranquility in our hearts that was present. and all we had to do to reach it, was slow down. take a breath. and be. my own body started to relax and I let my guard down. feeling gently all the happenings in me and around me. moments of beauty.

Being back at work on monday – a difficult transition. with deadlines on papers and projects, my mind starting the familiar race. and then I paused. just a moment over a cup of tea. reminding myself of what I carry within. returning to my breath. emails, things to do. and interspersed with it, this gnawing feeling of space constricting around me. the need for quiet and space.

I notice how my body feels within this. how my breath feels. I relax into the moment. what is the rush ? I savor my yogurt over lunch. the world can wait. right now, I’m spending time with my breath. with my life. I have the right to be!

may we all remember to pause. and breathe. and appreciate what we have, what we hold within ourselves.
with metta, S.


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