Shuba’s Weblog

Journeys of the soul…

the end is the beginning…

on August 26, 2009

This is one of those days when I know I want to write about something – just not sure what. I could write about the breath and the body and how much peace that brings me. and yet it is one of those things – you can only understand it when you do it, hearing about it just sounds like another cliche.

I have been pondering about the last couple of years. how, more pauses have come into my life, simply by situations. I have been forced to slow down my ‘go getter’ attitude, and realize that maybe other things are important! It is so easy to flip into the ‘loser’ mentality, especially if you, like me have been well-trained in identifying with your accomplishments. If I were to die (and believe me when I say that it felt close when the nurse in emergency asked about legal provisions in case I go on life support…), the last thing in my mind would be that grant I got, didn’t get, or that paper I submitted and got rejected or accepted. interesting, how easily we fall into the trap of evaluating our worth with our successes.

when I look at the people I admire, I long to be more like, they are the ones who have a simple life. they may or may not have ‘accomplished’ big things but they are enormously kind and make space and time for others in their life. they have respect – for themselves and for other people. and compassion because everyone’s journey is difficult no matter what. a thousand turmoils each day. a thousand decisions to make. and behind it, the intention to not harm anyone.

like it or not, it is the respect we give others and get from others that matters at the very end. the integrity with which we live our lives. the hard times when we stand up for ourselves, and stand by others. and it is never about being perfect. maybe in fact, it is about being imperfect. about finding our own ways to be. our own voices in the world. to ‘unfold your own myth’ as Rumi says.

who am I to know what matters at the end ? I only have a glimpse of what matters to me, in the end. and I am willing to go with that, to remind myself of that everyday. to take small increments of steps to go there. to be kind. and if I go now – at least I know I tried.

with Love, S.


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