Have you experienced ‘not knowing’ ? Not knowing whats happening or whats going to happen? We all have been in moments when we decidedly know we are not in control. Someone else is driving the bus and the bus is not going on any road we know. At times like this, most of us like to zone out. Being with not knowing is a very difficult thing to do.
Not being in control is frustrating enough that we don’t like to experience it. At least most of us don’t, me included. Of course, we get through it. we bite our lips, tell ourselves rational explanations of all sorts, everything except actually experiencing not knowing. How does not knowing feel ? Intimately understanding this experience that is so likely to visit us over and over again in life has so much to teach us. There is something so vulnerable and deep about it that goes to the human condition. Life itself a big game of not knowing, only we manage to fool ourselves that we actually know something, just so we get on with day to day life. This experience of not knowing, here is our chance for exploration. How does not knowing feel in the body. How does anxiety feel ? Is it really that scary ? How long does it last ? Can we sustain our attention on this experience that is reminiscent of death itself. For it is death. Death of perceptions and ideas, and a new beginning of understanding.
These are all questions I ask myself as I face yet another time in life of not knowing, a time pregnant with possibilities…
May we be grateful for these opportunities to live…Lines from a poem by Antonio Machado: ‘Beyond living and dreaming there is something more important: waking up.’ May we trust in our capacity to become awake.