Shuba’s Weblog

Journeys of the soul…

Fall-ing

on October 28, 2010

How can I find the words to express the aching beauty of this morning? A beauty that is haunting in how fleeting it is. That makes you want to stop everything you are doing and take in every moment of it. The golden hues of the trees, a resplendent garb that will come off in just a few days leaving behind nakedness. In the soft sunlight this morning, everything glowed with gentleness.

This morning, Anjali, our baby girl who is 6 weeks old, looks particularly fragile. Her utter trust in me is so complete that sometimes it catches at my heart. Today, I thought I would give her a warm bath. But she wasn’t ready. As I let her feet touch the water, she let out a piercing cry – and as I tried to lower her into the water, she caught on to my hands like there was no tomorrow. Her tiny being imploring me with every muscle in her body – NO! How could I let her down? So no bath today. After the excitement was the realization that she was hungry and ready for food. The way she gave her whole being, her entire attention, with single minded focus, to nursing – like this was the only thing in the world that mattered in that moment…How does one do that? I wish I could give anything that much attention.

Later, as I walked out with her into the sunlight, she put her tiny delicate hands on my chest, her eyes half closed, dozing in and out of sleep. As I looked at her, I thought of how much she mirrored the fall. An innocence and trust and unexplainable tender beauty that will not last. She will grow, become a being, a personality, and learn the ways of the world. and forget this moment of utter complete trust.

I don’t want to forget though. That’s probably why I write. Just as I picked two red leaves from the ground to save, to remember this gentle beautiful Fall.

With Love, S.

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One response to “Fall-ing

  1. Suman says:

    Congratulations on the arrival of Anjali! My little one is here too and I felt the exact same thing this morning (about the utter trust) and meant to record it in my blog or elsewhere – because I was afraid I would forget!

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