comes to rest in me
many beings in one being’
I absolutely love these words. Love coming to rest. abiding in the heart.
This love is easier to come by in some moments than others. In these past few days, weeks even, I find myself tested over and over again. Is there love in this moment? I’m constantly asked.
Mindfulness takes on a new meaning in this light. It is no longer being mindful of only those moments when there is peace and there is love. It is extending this awareness, this inquiry to those moments when the heart contracts, when we disconnect and when love is more elusive. Can we be mindful when that happens?
Being a mother to an infant has brought this see-saw of feelings into my consciousness with more regularity than before. There are moments when I find myself in bliss, my heart expansive in this love for a newborn, so adorable and dependent on me. And then there are moments when she is crying and I can’t always help her out and I want to disconnect. I want to run far away. Because being with crying, indeed suffering of any kind, without being able to do something or fix it is the hardest lesson this heart has to learn.
How do we keep an open heart in challenging situations? when our gut reaction is to escape? It seems like what helps is to recognize when our heart is not open. and that its okay. That’s how the heart works sometimes. And just this acceptance without judging opens the doors to a wiser response to suffering.
So at 1.00 am last night, I could finally simply sit with Anjali and hold her hand while she pooped and cried for 20 minutes. For once, without shutting the doors of my heart. We live and we learn. and ‘LOVE comes to rest’ in our hearts.
With love, S.