Shuba’s Weblog

Journeys of the soul…

The one constant in life…

on December 14, 2010

…is change. I’ve never been more keenly aware of this fact than now, being a Mom to my three-month old daughter Anjali. Just when I think she is sleeping through the night, she decides to have a growth-spurt and I’m up all night. Just when I think I’m adjusting to motherhood, its time for me to go to work, and establish a new routine. Just when I have put Anjali down for a nap thinking she is going to sleep for an hour, she is up after a 15 minute nap.

The quintessential lesson of life that things change, and we are not in control. If we ever thought we were in control, having a baby will surely change that misconception.

and then the moments of smiles and blissful contentment at being sang to or read to, as if my voice were the best sound in the universe. It is intoxicating to be adored like that. Of beautiful eyes looking at me following my every move. Of excited talking 10 minutes after tears over a poop. Like it never happened. And I rush to keep up with her. Her happiness brimming and joyful at small things. loving her massage and cuddles. talking to herself in the morning. waking up from sleep.

There are a million things to do, my mind spinning in different directions. and I bring myself over and over again to this moment. this smile. this waking up.

A practice I’m starting to cultivate is to treat each day as if it were my last. How grateful would I be? and how present? It is a practice filled with possibilities. In difficult moments, I forget. and the beauty of it all hits me when I remember.

I couldn’t say it better than Mary Oliver:
‘As for life,
I’m humbled,
I’m without words
sufficient to say

how it has been hard as flint,
and soft as a spring pond,
both of these
and over and over’.

So much to be grateful for. This morning as I woke up on my 31st birthday, I was amazed at the possibilities life presents. The beauty of it. Can we welcome change? Can we be open without judging as good or bad what comes along? Can we grow and expand beyond what we thought was possible?

With Love, S.

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