I’m having a quiet morning at home today. Abhi is at work and Anjali, our 11-month old is at day care, and I’m just hanging out at home, having the day off. Its raining outside and that gives a dreamy quality to the day.
As I look around, I see Anjali’s presence everywhere. The living room is littered with her toys and it sometimes makes me irritated at having to tidy up, but today it makes me smile thinking of her. The phone charger and the white wire makes me think of how Anjali loves the wire, swinging it, talking to it, playing with it. The cuddly Lion cub Simba makes me think of how this morning Mommy playing with Simba made her giggle. The window sill makes me think of how Anjali races to the window in the morning, to pull herself up, and show me that she can play with the shades, parting them this way and that. The tube of sunscreen, of how we cajole her to change her diaper.
She is at day care today – and yet she is everywhere. I can’t imagine not having her in our lives. She fills our hearts with so much love and joy. They say, when mothers think of their babies, the part of their brain that lights up is the one to do with romantic love. I can believe that.
Sometimes, many times, I complain about how hard it is being new parents (now 11-month old parents), that we don’t get to sleep as much, and our lives aren’t as easy-going in some ways as they used to be, not as free to do whatever we would like. But these complaints fade away in moments of such gratitude. Even if I had to wake up at 5.00 am this morning, I couldn’t help but be touched by Anjali’s wanting me to watch her stand on the bed, holding on to the head board. I would gladly give her the world if she would like. And all she wants instead, is our attention and love. Perhaps, that is all of the world to her!
Mondays are like this, this outpouring of wistfulness and reflections on a mother’s love. Another moment will come this evening – when I pick her up and see her face light up in joy. But for now, I will stay with longing…
with Love, Shuba.