It always amazes me how important it is to make the time to simply be. That is not necessarily one of my strengths. I always have an agenda in my head. If I am free, I would rather meditate, or cook or finish the laundry or clean…or have tea or do something. I like to finish things, get somewhere. and somewhere in between all of this is the space of being. the moments when life is actually happening and we are in it and know it.
Something fell away this weekend. probably the scales from my eyes. and I could see the truth of the situations, of my life, without turning away. What I saw was a lot of fear and attachment. fear that things will not be a certain way, fear of not being in control, fear of missing out on something. fear and attachment seem to go hand-in-hand. When we are attached to things being a certain way, fear arises when life threatens to be otherwise.
These are feelings that are natural. I don’t deny them. I dare the world to show me a person who is not afraid of something. In fact, seeing fear but knowing that I am no less of a human being for it, felt amazing. that is just what the truth is. we carry our habits of responding to situations with us. most times we don’t even know them. and making new habits is the journey of a lifetime.
I am starting to realize that If we can start to love ourselves unconditionally, we can actually look into our pysche. we can welcome challenges as opportunities to become friends with all of ourselves. we can enter the journey of knowing who we truly are. all of it. it needs an enormous amount of compassion to accept all of ourselves and others without aversion. without turning away from the things we don’t like.
This kind of compassion seems to emerge from a certain fearlessness – a faith that the heart is capable of holding everything. and reclaiming our right to live every moment of our lives, instead of savoring some, and rejecting others. that we love and honor ourselves deeply, and so we care about who we are inside. it assumes responsibility for ourselves – that we are in some way in control – of how we respond to what life brings us.
I can taste the freedom in this fearlessness. the ease. there is really nothing to worry about. everything we see and hear and do can be born from a desire to appreciate this life. this moment. the past does not matter. and the future is uncertain, isn’t it! ? As millions said it before – this moment is really all we have. and I echo Rumi’s words: ‘Forget the future. I’d worship someone who could do that.”
with love, S.
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