The day after my birthday…

The day after
is much better!
No expectations
Or bad weather!
Life is peaceful and sane
After that torrential rain
Of self doubt
That had me fleeing from clouds
And swinging emotions
Like a pendulums motions
Joy, sorrow, passion
Followed in quick succession!
My heart was tender and raw
From this wild seesaw
a soft orange left behind
Without its protective rind
But then…this magical thing has happened
A fragrance, a sweetness,
A lightness has set in
As I take stock
Of what I see
And come face to face
With my destiny
I realize: a year older
Not any wiser,
What I am, is younger
Stronger, quicker
To embrace my life
All of its offerings
The joys and sorrows
That make my heart sing!
I am here now
To enjoy this ride
So I lightly toss judgment
On the wayside
I take a bow
And then a deep breath
And open my arms
Extra wide!!!!

The spirit of thanksgiving…

A friend of mine asked me to share something inspiring/thoughtful for thanksgiving day. All I can think of, is being here, being alive, what a gift that is.

 

A dear friend of mine, passed away nearly two years ago on new year’s eve, after a battle with cancer. She was a few months shy of 40, and she left behind three kids, the youngest of whom was 2. She was so full of life, always friendly, bringing people together, honest, generous, and a runner. The memory of her running by the trees is still vivid in my mind. I think of how much she loved her children and how much she wanted to hold them. I think of how lucky I am that I can still hold my child, hug, cuddle, live, run, walk, breathe and be here. She would have loved to be here. And she did amazing things in her short life.

 

I have this gift of aliveness and it seems to me to be the most precious thing in the world. What am I going to do with my one life? How am I going to appreciate this-ness, this moment, this being, this listening, this ocean of sensations that my body can feel and the ocean of thoughts that my mind can create and bring into reality? How am I going to honor all those whom my heart loves, and who love me and have embraced all that is unique and quirky about me? How am I going to embrace all that Earth has so generously provided for me never asking for anything in return? This is what I hope that I can spend my one life marveling and wondering about.

 

So take a moment to pause today, and reflect on all the blessings in your life. I leave you with Mary Oliver’s poem:

https://www.loc.gov/poetry/180/133.html

 

With love, S.

Knowing…

This space in my heart
that is as wide as the ocean
how did it come to last
even as it gently meanders
this way and that
forgetting sometimes
of its own existence
and then waking up again
in awe to the breadth and width
of its own expansiveness
That moment, it all
comes together
things become clear
knowing happens
and takes my breath away

With Love, S

Thursday…

Thursday is the day
I sit with God and
play a game of
question & answer.

Why am I tired? I ask,
Because you are.
A human being,
says God.

How do I open myself
to Love? comes one more.
By being, and receiving
comes the gentle reply.

Will you touch me,
and hold me? I ask.
I already do,
says God.

How will I know,
your presence?
By being with everything
you see. That is me.

Will you wipe my tears
and show me joy?
Open your eyes!
Its in front of you.

I ask for silence…

Yesterday I read this beautiful poem by Pablo Neruda called ‘I ask for silence’. Some poems are like food for the spirit. we read them and our soul sighs in deep contentment. In the poem, Neruda says:

‘But because I ask for silence,
don’t think I’m going to die.
The opposite is true;
it happens I’m going to live.

To be, and to go on being.

I will not be, however, if, inside me,
the crop does not keep sprouting,
the shoots first, breaking through the earth
to reach the light;
but the mothering earth is dark,
and, deep inside me, I am dark.
I am a well in the water of which
the night leaves stars behind
and goes on alone across fields.

It’s a question of having lived so much
that I want to live that much more. ‘

So beautiful. Who am I to comment on this? A simple ordinary soul who enjoys poetry in the dark of the night when the house has gone to sleep so that my own soul may be mothered.

Everything arises and passes away. We write. and hold on some more. and then the words too pass away. When we are willing to let go, is when everything takes on new meaning. We dance this balance between holding on, versus not caring enough. and then miraculously those moments arise when we ‘break through the earth and reach the light.’

With Love, S.

Anjali…

Watching her grow
this tiny being
is a miracle!

Seeing her engage, play,
study her surroundings
with earnest intensity…

Her clear gaze
Her beautiful smile
Her endless curiosity

She watches her hands move
She plays with her fingers
She dances with her feet

Close her eyes, she won’t!
Falling asleep, she resists
But when she does,
I swear:
It is like the angels
have come into my home.

winter…

One little crow
on top of the bare branches
against the blue sky
nothing special: except
for the one watching

one tiny seed
of become awake
in the middle of the din
nothing special: except
for the one witnessing

one small candle
of flame that shines
lighting up the dark
nothing special: except
for the one seeing

Wonder…

Baby Anjali is here. A few weeks of life-changing transitions, of becoming a Mother, caring for another. Not always easy, lots of moments for practice. And in the middle of this, there is wonder…

————————————–
what dreams beneath those sleeping eyes
that make you smile so
what secrets you carry in your fist
that closes and opens so

a puckering, a whimpering, a cry
then the most amazing smile
within moments, you show them all
a rainbow of life and joy

fluttering fingers like feathers
trembling feet soft as petals
the scent of milky white skin –
want to give you a thousand kisses

seeing you, this heart opens
a new being awakens
falling in love, a gentle rain
at long last this wait ends.

with Love, S.

Until then…

Until you open your palms
you can’t see how beautiful they are

until you release your grasp
you can’t see what you were holding on to

until you put yourself out there
you can’t know which hurt you still carry

until you experience
you can’t know what you love

until you stay up at night
you can’t see the stars

until you let yourself be
you can’t hear the song of your heart

until you let yourself dance
you can’t know grace in motion

Beginnings…

The Dance of Elephants
The Dance of Rain
The first snow of the season
The first colors change

The first taste of Ice cream
Cookies and jam
The first scent of lavender
Mistletoe and Jasmine

The first step you take
The first mittens you wear
The first cry of disappointment
And first consolation you get

Your first best friend
Your first Love
Your first vacation
Your first Moonlight

So much to look forward to
A lifetime of Joy
A tender heart full
Of Love and Delight!