Receiving grace

My birthday is coming up..and that is yet another beautiful reason to set an intention for myself and to practice :). This time, I’m reminded of a beautiful way to celebrate the day, a thought I heard from Thay-to think of it as a continuation day rather than a birthday. To celebrate all that I continue in this universe-the energies of my ancestors, my beloved family, my spiritual family, my friends, my land, this earth, air, water, fire. To think of the countless people who have made my life possible on this day. and all that I continue by sharing my energy. I hope that I can contribute to happiness and peace in this universe-and be worthy of the love and support given to me.

As I thought of this, and of giving and sharing my energy, I realized that the important aspect I was leaving out, as part of continuing, is receiving. For, being open to receiving grace and love is as much a part of life as giving. By being a generous receiver and open to whatever comes along, by taking with honor what others give us, we become one with the universe and part of the bigger picture. When we drop our expectations, and welcome with open arms whatever we receive, the offerings become sacred and touch a deeper part of us.

This morning, I’m receiving grace. The love of loved ones and the blessings of many many people. A reminder of how expansive and generous the universe is. And how giving people’s hearts are. And I’m touched with love.

May we all open up to grace, the underlying fabric of this universe.

With love, S.

The heart’s ocean

There are times in life, when I’m upset or stressed, and I do have thoughts which are not always kind. And yet, it amazes me how, when I sit down in meditation, watching my breath, my mind calm, my heart open, I can only feel kindness towards others. A desire for all of humanity to have peace, no exceptions. It reminds me of the innate goodness we possess within us-it is always there. Sometimes, it is harder to find, but it is our true self. Our deeper true nature. To be kind.

Come to think of it, our heart is a storehouse of experiences. Every emotion that is possible, has already been felt. every role, whether being a mother, a brother, a sister, a wife, has already been played, through many many manifestations. Our conscious mind may not realize it, but our heart knows it. Thats why when we open our hearts, we find it possible to be compassionate to one and all, and understand what they are feeling. we have felt it too. once. We don’t have to be a mother to understand the anguish of separation from a child. Or a husband, to know the suffering of watching his wife fade away. Our heart is an ocean of kindness and compassion. If we open our hearts, we are right there. we can see through the past and the future. everything is present in this moment.

May we all be aware of the innate kindness inside us and trust our hearts,

With love, S.

partaking in a party..

Daalu dressed up.Yesterday evening, we went to a christmas party at daalu’s work place. Another first for me this year, among the many firsts include getting my flushot and making butternut squash soup. We have never been to holiday parties at work before, either because we have travelled to India this time of year, or we have lived too far from work to make it all the way. So, honestly I din’t quite know what to expect.

Both Abhi and I dressed up. He wore this ravishing new suit that mama had sent for him, complete with new shirt and tie. and it all went really well together, so my job was pretty much done, my only addition to his outfit being a new pair of dress-socks I had got for him. And I have to say, he looked dashing in the outfit :). I wore a magnolia colored turtleneck with a diamond pendant and earrings that had been specially designed for me by mama. The color is particularly well-suited for my complexion so it was a good choice (though I toyed with several indian outfits before chucking the idea due to the freezing cold out). So, we landed there at about 6.30.

And the place was teeming. There were about 600 people in the party and we hardly knew anyone. and it seemed like it was the ‘stop and chat’ routine, except you counted to 20 and moved on to the next person to stop and chat. Now, I understood what this woman I had talked to, meant when I had asked her about parties-and how it would be nice to meet new folks. she said, ‘yeah, but we always end up hanging out with the same folks’. It all seemed like a big plan, to see and be seen. Now, I could understand why christmas could be a hectic stressed time for most folks. We did get to meet some of the people daalu works with which was nice, as well as the big folks: daalu introduced me to his boss, who is this very down-to-earth person and part of the college’s board where I worked. We chatted a bit (I liked him the best of all the people we met) and that was pretty much it. Then we headed to dinner-it was such an adventure-daalu and me navigating the maze of people to get to the buffet. we ate our dinner and left the place laughing and giggling to the car.

And this morning I woke up with a smile. The whole affair had left me with one endearing moment-daalu in his suit shaking people’s hands and immediatly introducing me as his wife. He looked so proud. and I felt so good, so cherished, being by his side. I loved it! It reminded me yet again of why I love my man so much.

So, here is to parties, when we do make it to them, and here is to good memories from them!

Cheers, S.

The bridge to freedom

Namaste. It is a beautiful day here. Not outside, but inside me. One of the reasons being that today is friday. The end of the week coupled with the fact that I had my yoga class yesterday evening. Yesterday afternoon, while walking, I tripped on the cuff of my pants (which are these expensive designer pants that I bought sometime back-they are somewhat longer and really meant to be worn with heels, and I din’t bother to adhere to the rules of designer pants-I wore flats..). Nothing major though it felt foolish falling on a nicely paved road. Just a minor shaking up of my system. And when I got home, I wondered if I should skip yoga class. and then I examined my physical self-I felt pretty fine. So, I decided to go. I set myself an intention: today, I would step outside my comfort zone.

As with most people I have some poses that I can do easily and some poses which are limited to me by my physical flexibility. But yesterday evening, it was different. As Sue told us to tune into our inner self, my inner self felt free! It felt unfettered by the limitations posed by the body. I knew I still couldn’t do extraordinary feats. But I also knew that by being free and mindful, maybe I could go beyond the boundaries that we tend to subconsciously set for ourselves. I decided to forget all notions of what my body can do and approach the class with a spirit of curiosity.

And what better pose to experience freedom than a back bend! We started with supported bridge on these two blocks placed under the sitting bones, and slowly lifted up our feet. There I was! soaring into the air, balanced precariously on two blocks with my feet up in the air. Normally, I would have been somewhat hesitant, but yesterday, there was no knowing fear. I just stayed there for what seemed like an eternity..enjoying the bliss of going beyond my body. My heart radiating joy. There was no body, no me. There was just this amazing energy willing to put myself out there.

When we can go beyond the situation, the limitations posed by our body, our minds, we can touch real freedom. This freedom does not come from recklessness. It comes from a willingness to explore what the moment holds, while being full aware of what we can do. It is in finding freedom within boundaries. For each pose holds its limits. and in being within them and following the rules, we can find our own experience of the limits-and the limitless.

Exactly as in life. No matter how uncomfortable the body or mind, the heart is vast and knows no boundaries. We just need to trust this-have faith and soar like an eagle, fearless and free.

May we experience freedom in our lives,

with an open heart, S.

The art of giving..

It is the gift giving season. Christmas is around the corner and buying gifts is on everyone’s minds. And even though I’m not Christian, it is on my mind as well, since I’m leaving for home next week. And I’ve been studiously avoiding the shopping malls, simply because once started, the buying of gifts has no end. This time of the year, there is so much of stuff in all the stores, that consumerism is at its peak.

In the past, there have been phases in my life where I’ve gone overboard on buying of things for others and reeled under the impact of it (in terms of bills) for months to come. So, this time, I was determined to be *responsible*. And it also made me think deeply about what gifts are really about. We often want to give our loved ones something that will remind them of how special they are to us. And that is a noble gesture. And the true worth of a gift is in the love it is accompanied by, and the thoughtfulness that goes into it and not really in what it costs monetarily. As I was reading Yoga journal, I came across some nice thoughts on how to make gift giving hassle-free, on inviting loved ones for dinner or recycling gifts to avoid the increasing wastage in the universe. Or to donate to a charity which would be a beautiful way to share our happiness. All these thoughts made sense to me. And the most wonderful gift, according to Thay that we can give someone is by being totally present with them and being there for them.

And yet, I went shopping yesterday. There was something I wanted to get a loved one, and as soon as I saw it, I knew that was it. and it was expensive. I parted with my money somewhat slowly. I also knew that this was something that I would have loved to own myself, and giving it to her made it very special. It made me feel generous, for that is what generosity is: doing for others what we may have hesitated doing for ourselves. Gift giving is as much for us as for others. And money is after all, like everything else, impermanent. It will come and go. So, being generous with money once in a while, lets us practice being unattached to it.

As the sales girl was wrapping the gift, we got talking. As I asked her about her Christmas shopping, she spoke about how she was making all the gifts, sewing scarves and shawls and making chocolate herself to give as gifts at the Christmas dinner she was going to host. It sounded so beautiful-momentarily, I wondered if the gift I had just bought was as beautiful. But I knew in my heart, every gift is meaningful and its the thought and the time we take to choose it or make it that makes it special.

And when I returned home, there was a box waiting for me. An unbelievably extravagant gift from a dear friend-a beautiful mixer. As most of you know, I love baking. And I had been eyeing this mixer (which would make baking cookies and cakes so easy!), but it was too expensive for me to indulge myself. and here it was, standing there in gleaming white, sent so thoughtfully by a friend. Thats what made me realize-yes we should be responsible and we should be thoughtful. and once in a while if that thoughtfulness becomes an extravagance, its fully worth it. Giving a loved one, a gift-card for a massage, a perfume or a gorgeous pair of earrings, something you know she would have loved, but never got it herself..it is a beautiful gesture! And through it all, also to remember that no matter what-every gift is special and it reflects the thought and the love we put into it. The sentimental value of a gift is absolutely unmeasurable. And it can never be just things that can make us happy-only love can do that.

May we enjoy the spirit of this season and the generosity and thoughtfulness we all put into it for each other!

With love, S.

Winter thoughts..

It is winter and there is no doubt about it. We have had a lot of snow yesterday and today, possibly about 10-12 inches. The roads look like some wonderland-all the trees are laced with white, the landscape is pure snow-white and everything seems slower (including cars). That is winter: a time of introspection, a time to slow down and enjoy the simple things in life. Whether it be shoveling the snow or making dinner, it can all be something beautiful if we are mindful. Last evening, I came home early, and cooked a leisurely dinner of rajma (white cannelini beans) in gravy, served with naan. As the aromas of garam masala and cumin wafted in the air, so did my spirit. By the time daalu came home, dinner was ready. It is a blessing this winter-it is so cold out that one has to slow down and enjoy the simple comforts. Of having a warm home and warm cooked food and someone you love, to share it with.

I remember as a kid, reading this poem which had lines as:

great wealth has December

For December can remember.

It went on to describe all the rest of the months whose memories have accumulated for December. That is exactly what this season is about..Enjoying and appreciating all that we have in our lives.

While, slowing down is part of the winter, it is also the beginning of the holiday season. Next week on Thursday, we will leave for our trip to India. It is hard to believe, but two years have flown by since my last trip to my homeland. What just seems like yesterday is now back in time. And I’m at the brink of a new threshold-new memories to be created as our family gets together again. The anticipation is there, and sometimes its all I can think of. And yet, I know that by living in the present right now, and letting go of all the expectations, I will only be better able to live in the moment when I’m there and enjoy our time even more. So, I came up with a mantra to preserve my equanimity in the face of the joy (and the sorrow which inevitably hits when we get back from the trip!):

let go of all expectations

let go of control

simply sit back

and go with the flow

My meditation has been to prepare myself for this, by practicing non-grasping. When we go through good times, we want to hang on to them and not let them go. But time always passes and things always change, that is inevitable. And when we feel sad, we want to run away from the sorrow. But thats not possible either, because there is nowhere to run. So, the practice of non-grasping is to simply experience all the emotions without trying to control them-and to let them go. For the fact that nothing is permanent and everything changes, only makes this moment more special.

Here is to all of us practicing equanimity during the holidays. To find peace in both the joy and the sadness. And to be compassionate to ourselves through it all (especially if travel is involved!).

Sending peace, S.

Nothingness..

I have nothing to say,
No words to use
I just am,
and this just is

I watch the tides,
I witness the ebb and flow
I get caught in the drama
and then, I let go.

I simply flow.

I belong to the ocean
Where there is a deep calm
I found a pearl beyond the waves
it was there all along.

I have nothing to say.
I just am. this just is.

with an empty mind, S.